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How To Be A Festival Twat....   Print  E-mail 
Written by Mark Reed  
Sunday, 22 August 2004
Or 10 things you can do to piss off everyone around you....


1. Run into the crowd when a band are playing, armed with 6 pints of beer that you spill over everyone else.

2. Turn up after the band have been on for 45 minutes shouting "I LOVE THIS SONG!" and then get the words wrong.

3. Sit on someone else's shoulders so nobody can see anything but your fat arse, and then spend a few minutes talking on the phone.

4. When people throw things at you to get you to sit down, give them the finger.

5. Dress as Superman in Superman Y-fronts, a Superman logo anorak, and red wellies. You look like This Man here..

6. Show REALLY bad tattoos. (see above)

7. Take a really big flag. Nobody can see anything, and everyone thinks you are a dick.

8. Throw beer over me. Unless you don't mind me a) bitching abour twattishness on the Internet and b) wanting to neuter you with spoons.

9. Wear the exact same matching bootleg t-shirts from last years festival as your girlfriend.

10. Take a fuck off enormous backpack and hit me in the face with 90 pounds of camping gear, because you can't live without having all the useless crap you've ever bought with you at all times... and especially, don't fucking go down the front and try to 'dance' laden down with your useless treasure of crud.

Because if you do ...


This has been a public service announcement. Thank you.



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