If you haven't seen Oasis before, tonight they are fantastic. But if you have seen them before, then tonight is a disappointment. Oasis have transformed a sterile, staid convention hall into the worlds biggest pub -no easy feat. And 10,000 people wander around inside this place with alcohol in safe plastic containers.

Couples kiss, single people look nervously at other people who might or might not be single. Some people are too young to be drinking what they are drinking, others are far too old to act this young - chasing a glimpse of fading, mortgaged youth. Some people are here, not because of who it is, but to gain the experience - the glorious air of exclusivity. I saw Oasis last night they'll sneer tomorrow, and you didn't. All the people, right here, right now, d'yer know what I mean?

After a passionate but dull, unimaginative support from Travis, the five millionaires who are Oasis casually stroll out onto the stage from a gigantic phone box. "Hello You Welsh Fuckers" sneers Noel. All Welsh people. D'Yer know what I mean? It's downhill from here.

The stage set is pure Pink Floyd. A triangle of lights, drapes, a globe, a bar, a Rolls Royce, and a gigantic Phone Box. For the first few minutes, as Oasis plod through a pedestrian rendition of "Be Here Now", 10,000 people gawp at the popstars. We. Are. Watching. Oasis.

There's no doubting the strength of the music Oasis are dispensing but tonight they are simply a vending machine, a walking jukebox. Tonight they look bored. You can't tell with Bonehead, or Guigsy, or Alan though : they just stand there motionless anyway. They've been playing the same set for a good six months across the world in venues that look roughly the same. All the audiences look roughly the same as well. For a band that are taking home £200,000 for a nights work - they sure don't look very happy.

"Stand By Me" is really only enlivened by Liam taking a plastic Homer Simpson that sits on the drum riser and stuffing it in his mouth with boredom. The sight of him with two stubby plastic legs sticking out of his mouth is one of the better things about tonight. The rest of the set he spends with his feet up, looking as if he's waiting for a bus.

"Supersonic" breezes by, with barely a squall of feedback from Noel and a solo that is forced through a grinder of effects pedals to make it sound like Concorde. Slick, expensive, and Supersonic. Nothing special really happens though throughout the whole evening, excepting a bizarre oddly guitar-free version of "Some Might Say" as the rest of the band pretend they actually can hear guitars when we can't.

Even "D'Yer Know What I Mean?" is only punctuated by an enormous fight that seems to empty the front of the stage as two incredibly repetitively dull and stupid men keep punching each other until they get either bored or carried away.

"Magic Pie" sees Noels pedestrian solo slot broadsided by a dull song that achieves nothing. To entertain himself during "Don‘t Look Back In Anger", Noel promises that tonight the revolution will be in his bed. He looks as if he wishes he was already there.

And on it goes. Tonight it seems as if Oasis aren't even trying. What do you do, where do you go, when you've conquered the world? It must be a drag to go from playing to 130,000 people a night to just 10,000. Imagine if you've had 11 top ten singles, and four number ones. Tonight - for all its air of celebration - is a solitary experience. Couples dance alone and the boundaries around people remain. We're all strangers.

Noel in particular meanwhile rails against against his own inarticulacy. "D'Yer know what I Mean?" is the biggest disappoint. At the curve of the big song, he simply shrugs his shoulders and asks "D'Yer Know What I Mean? yeah.". Elsewhere, "Wonderwall" offers the odd glimpse into his heart - "there are many things I would like to say to you / but I don't know how". And somehow, by exposing this inarticulacy, he speaks for us all. Of a sort. And in "Whatever" (omitted tonight), Noel tells us he can do anything he wants but he just doesn't know what it is. And it shows.

Finally they seem to wake up for "It's Getting Better (Man!)" and "All Around The World", the latter of which just seems to grow and grow like a behemoth that seems in danger of toppling and overextending, but doesn‘t quite do so.

It's only at the end the band seem to wake up. A furiously deep blues riff that undeprins "Fade In-Out" pounds and pulses like a hunted beast before settling into a late era Stone Roses groove. Similarly "Champagne Supernova" builds from a gentle ballad into a heavenly choir of guitars. And it sounds like a great night out on a drunken binge, the gentle cruising groove that can only be ceased by the inevitable hangover. Nobody knows what a "Champagne Supernova" is, but that doesn't seem to matter right now.

Are you having a good time? Noel asks. I thought we were shit.

You know what? He's almost right. It was a dull, tired night in the life of a band with some great songs. But great songs alone does not make this a great night, or Oasis a great band. Just you watch though. In ten years time, you‘ll be telling people how you were there, before they became shallow parodies of their once-great promise.

Remember that, when they were good?

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