Enough to make a homophobe weep, and another man sing. Enough to turn a straight man gay. And talk solely in cliches.

They’re so much better than yer average band. Why have Keane, when you can have this? Why have dogshit, when you can have diamonds? Why perspire, when you can aspire? If I wanted something drab, something boring, I’d go to work. If I want something beautiful, something downright, shamelessly entertaining, and unapologetically smart, I go visit The Scissor Sisters.

Oh, everybody loves them these days. Number one albums, umpteen sold out tours, the biggest crowd at the V Festival even though they were on mid-afternoon on the smallest outdoor stage : a bigger draw than The Strokes. The good will out.

The Scissor Sisters dare to be beautiful. They dare to be bold. And intelligent. And sometimes, downright dirty, filthy, sleazy and gorgeous. From the opening 'Laura' the Scissor Sisters take their freedom of expression, their basic right, and they use it to make you shake your ass and your mind. For whats the point of having your freedom of speech, if you don’t use it?

Silence is death. And they know it.

'I was ten blocks away from on September 11th 2001, and I breathed in the ashes of 3,000 dead people. And I don’t give a shit. ' Said one on them stage. If Silence is death, then music is a celebration of life.

So put on your red shoes and dance away the blues.

For a band on their first record, there’s plenty of padding : SpiceGirlsesque between song affirmations of Cool-Gay-Power that become longer than the songs themselves ( including thanking every member of the band’s roadcrew and T-Shirt staff by name),  a clutch of new stuff from the next record, and a couple of improbable cover versions,  : 'Take Me Out' is recast as a Sinatraesque Torchsong that becomes the Best Prince Song Ever, whilst Erasure’s 'Waiting For The Moment' becomes as a subterrean plea for unity. (and if you can tell what exactly that sentence means, please tell us). If nothing else, The Scissor Sisters can make a career out of their excellent record collections and their interpretative abilities.

Sometimes you don’t even want them to sing : the bit between the songs are almost as good as the songs themselves - sometimes better. And the benefit if them wittering on for ages is that you can go to the bar, get a drink, come back, and you haven’t missed a song.

The new stuff too stands up as as good as anything they’ve done. 'Rock My Spot', the first cunnilingus anthem since 'You Suck' (and the first one penned by a gay man, I suspect), goes down a treat. The new stuff is instantly familiar yet alien. Utterly brilliant. And Wal-Mart still won’t stock it.

If everyone who bought their album, lived in Wyoming and voted for The Scissor Sisters, they’d have a majority of over 700,000. America might not have a new President. If everyone who liked the band was like the band, the world would be a better place. Because The Scissor Sisters, despite a probably the best advert for being gay ever. They make it look like it’s so much better than being straight. And being straight is so lame.

I love their world. If you want straight, if you want dull, if you want grey and concrete there’s a trudging bunch of minor-chorded whingerockers at Earls Court for you. If you want something else, something spangly, shiny, bold, brilliant, and queer as folk, vote Jack Shears.

 Scissor Sisters for President.

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