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SNAKES ON A PLANE   Print  E-mail 
Written by Mark Reed  
Saturday, 26 August 2006
Sadly, this is a film that you can only watch for the first time once in your life.  


Do you remember watching “Raiders Of The Lost Ark” aged 7? Do you remember sitting down with “Airwolf” on Saturday Afternoons? Do you miss the fact that you can’t go and see films like “Cobra” and “Over The Top” anymore?


Well, now you can. Snakes On A Plane is the best megablockbuster I’ve seen in years. It is what it is, and it’s unapologetic about it. No faux-ironic postmodern, knowing, winking-at-the-audience screenplay. None of that shit. What you see is what you get.


Snakes. On A Plane.


Plot? Forget about that : it’s flimsier than a Thai Hooker’s leggings. Dialogue? Endlessly quotable. Never had the word “Sporks” been so important. NEVER.


Snakes On A Plane rocks. You will never see a film that rocks this hard in your life. No word of a lie. This rocks more than Metallica mudwrestling AC/DC at the Tokyo Budokan during a meteor shower. If a film can be described in one word, this films word is “Macho.” : If there were awards for most blatant product placement, Red Bull would surely win. And what drink is more macho than Red Bull? Snake venom? This film has people drinking that as well.


If you like explosions, snakes, planes, danger, breasts, dope, guns, computer games, rappers, and “Airport 80 : The Concorde” then this film is for you. If you like some of the most amazing dialogue ever written, then this film is for you. If you like seeing Samuel L Jackson dispense several thousand snakes in ways too awesome for mere words to describe, this is the film you were born to see. Think of the amount of ways a person can die by snake : however many you can think of it, it’s not as many as you will see in this film.


It’s epic. It’s both a great comedy, and a phoenomenal rollercoaster ride of an action movie. Whatever your imagination tells you, this movie is more. It goes up to 11. Everything gets bitten, eaten, or destroyed. Every cliché is fulfilled and exceeded. Nothing is sacred.


The only downside of a film this dumb, this stupid, this brilliant, is that at some point it must end. I came out of the cinema sad yet elated, because this is a film that you can only watch for the first time once in your life. Unforgettable, unbelievable, unpossible : Snakes On A Plane is – without doubt – the best action movie I have seen since “Red Dawn”. 


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